Have you ever felt like a deck of cards being shuffled? That’s how I feel right now.
The few weeks have been earthshaking to say the least. Many of the pieces of my life have been rearranged and the process is still ongoing. I guess when you put it all on the table for the Lord to examine, things happen.
Two of them I’ve written about on the appropriate blogs. One was the need to step up my game with Jesus’ Outsider and the other on a conference on the Freedom Church blog. If you haven’t already read them, please take the time to do so before reading further. The rest of this won’t make much sense if you don’t.
I have been wearing myself to a frazzle for a long time. For all intents and purposes, I have been working four jobs for more than a year. I haven’t really done as well at any of them as they deserve. It’s not because I don’t care but because I’m tired. I haven’t been functioning well or thinking properly. I’ve done some resting in between projects. Some important work has been on hold so I can rest and pray. I fell into the trap of being too busy to spend as much time in prayer as I needed to keep a strong connection to the Lord. With prayer time restored to my formally normal habit, things are really happening.
I am in the process of doing a better job of aligning my life with the call of God on my life. Many years ago, I had a dream that was a part of a series of them that have turned out to be very prophetic. In this dream, I was looking over my own shoulder a I stood on a platform speaking to a crowd that went beyond the lights. I felt the presence of a huge crowd. I couldn’t make out what I was saying but knew it was the Word. I have always interpreted this dream to mean that I would be serving as pastor in a large church. I am no longer quite so certain.
I need to trim the fat from my life if I am to be effective. Some things are becoming more important while others are going to receive much less attention. There are certain things that the pause button is being pushed on until I receive further clarification.
The incredible sense of urgency I am experiencing to put on the Sex, Porn, And Freedom Conference is pushing a lot of other things aside and putting others on pause. As just announced on the Freedom Church blog, we are putting Freedom Church on hold until we have further direction from the Lord.
Our ministry focus is now media and conferences. Jesus’ Outsider is going to get a lot of attention that is long overdue and is will be more than just a podcast. Conferences that we put on, starting with Sex, Porn, and Freedom will be under the umbrella of Jesus’ Outsider Ministries with more coming as we grow. I will be making myself available as a speaker and evangelist on my personal site (currently being redesigned). It will also be my site as an author and writer, something I have felt convicted strongly to return to as a means of expression and source of income.
I have more to trim but I do believe I am closer to the mark than I have ever been. I know I often seem erratic and perhaps a little unstable but I assure you I am not. What you see is rather someone who absorbs responsibility like a sponge until I reach the point when I have too much on my plate. I see needs and they become my responsibility to fulfill them whether it’s my problem or not. Eventually, I either fail completely or get to the point where I have to get it right. In the integration of my passions and skills, Freedom Church doesn’t fit at this point. Is there a real need for the place I envisioned? Absolutely. Is it likely that I may be able to influence the church at large to understand that need and actually adopt some of the philosophy behind it as a speaker, writer, and media producer? I think it is.
Please, pray for me in this process. Although it’s really coming together, I need the strength and wisdom to keep things on track. I am building a board of directors/advisers to make sure I’m in the Lord’s will. Some are already on board and I have a couple others yet to ask.
More on the Sex, Porn, and Freedom conference soon!